The dark side of home ownership

After all the searching, all the open houses, all the paperwork and signatures, you hear those magic words: "It's Yours."  You can hardly believe it, but there it is - in all it's lovely glory - your very own new house.  Gosh it's exciting.  You drive by it approximately 287 times in a slow, creepy way before you get possession, imagining paint colours and fixtures and landscaping.  You pour over the teeny weeny floor plan that was in the marketing kit, envisioning renos and furniture placement.  When you get the keys, you hold your breath as you push open the door for the first time, and maybe celebrate with a little bubbly sitting on the bare floor, your euphoric giggles echoing through the empty rooms. It is a mortgage commercial come to life.

It's a little smaller than you remembered from the open house and that one other time you walked through it... and the kitchen is much worse than you remembered (are those mouse droppings??)...but think of the equity!  The decorating potential!  Replace the roof?  No big deal, you knew that going in - but what colour should it be?

Sound familiar?  Who's with me?

Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE my house, I really and truly do.  The renos, the paint, the landscaping - it was hard work for sure, but the satisfaction of knowing it was my own cozy haven, my very own home made it more than worthwhile.  Even the essential-but-not-pretty things like plumbing, electrical, and chimney cleaning are all worth it.

It's the surprises that kill me.  Surprises are usually expensive, usually no fun, and decidedly UN-SEXY.  Here are a few of the visits to the dark side of home ownership that I have taken in the last three years of being here:

Sewage black flow in the basement Worse than walking down to a sight and smell that brought tears to my eyes was sitting in my dining room listening to them rip out the carpet, cut through the drywall, and yes, saw into my beloved built-in cabinets.  The sounds of destruction - not construction.  Expensive destruction.  I have not lost perspective - just weeks ago people lost their entire homes and all their possessions to Sandy - but it breaks my heart none-the-less.  Not our tree, but our problem. Surprise!

Fence toppled by high winds I can't remember exactly when this happened, but we awoke one morning to find the fence between our house and our neighbours' ripped and twisted, and lying flat on the ground.  The garden, to be exact.  OUR garden, to be completely precise.  We did split the cost of a new fence, and actually split it with almost all of our neighbours to build around on all three sides, but my poor, sad, smushed plants all needed to be replaced as well. Surprise!

Tree toppled by high winds You know this one - tree fell down.  Not part-way into our yard, nor into our and our neighbours' yard, nor any other of the 360 directions it could have gone, but smack into our property, taking the new fence, the garage eaves troughs, our garden furniture, many plants, and almost our 2 year old with it.  Not our tree, but our problem. Surprise!

Raccoon walking through our upstairs hallway At night.  While my husband was skiing in BC.  While I was at work until 11pm.  While my babysitter cowered with my then 1-year-old in his room, calling 911.  Surprise! When I got home, Will was asleep and the cops had come and gone, barricading the raccoon in my bedroom with a chair under the door handle.  I slept on the sofa in the next room in my work clothes (a dress) listening to the critter tear apart my closet all night, after calling every 24 hour wildlife removal number on the internet.  Oh and I was preggo (not really relevant, but it makes any story better, right?)  Critter-removal and re-entry prevention = not cheap.

masonry pointing repairs We haven't done this yet, and it isn't nearly as good a story, but there are several holes in the mortar between our exterior brick that need to be filled, and we need to replace the parging over our stone foundation almost all the way around the house.  We haven't done this because we could take the family to Europe for the amount we were quoted.  Who budgets for PARGING and POINTING? Surprise! Argh.

So it's not all sunshine and roses in my wicked and weird world (the raccoon thing definitely qualifies as weird though).  Amidst the the craig's list cabinet victories, the Value Village scores, and the crafty afternoon are loads upon loads of laundry, sink scouring, and potty training.  But who would want to read about all that? ;p  I would say my home and I are out of the honeymoon stage, but there are definitely more days that not that I look around fondly. I do love this house, flaws and all.

But seriously, enough sappy, misery loves company. I know you must have your own house surprises - please share!!